Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Public Pool Rules

Okay, so the other day I got to go spend some time BY MYSELF at our community pool. I don't know when the last time was that I actually got to hang out by the pool without kids but Eva was gone visiting my parents and Rick being the sweet husband that he is kept Ella so I could go. Anyway, it was much needed and I was excited because I love the sun and plus I love to people-watch. I mean is there a better place to people-watch than at the pool? Maybe the airport but the pool is prime and guarantees great material. In the hour or so that I was there I noticed several things that were funny and have nothing to do with standard public pool rules but are just more socially awkward/funny things that I think should become part of the public pool rules list.

1. Swimsuit attire and the obvious lack of a third-party opinion

Now, this has nothing to do with the size or shape of a person but more to do with style and fit. Have we all not seen enough episodes of TLC's What Not To Wear and heard Stacy London hammer home the point that fit is everything? You would think, but apparently some of us are not getting the message. With that being said, I realize that there are at times extenuating circumstances where a person does not have access to a swimsuit that fits well, like maybe they forgot their swimsuit and had to borrow someone else's. Believe me, I have totally been that girl on the family vacation who forgot her swimsuit and in desperation had to borrow her mom's navy and white polka-dot swimsuit with the built in skirt. Remember those? Awesome. And this, my friends, did not happen in junior high where it's pretty much a guarantee that you're going to be awkward, because who isn't awkward in junior high, but this happened my sophomore year in college. I would like to say that I learned my lesson but no, it happened again just a couple of years ago and this time instead of having to borrow my mom's swimsuit, I was desperate enough to borrow my friend's mom's swimsuit. Not kidding. So hear me when I say I understand why people might be wearing a swimsuit that defies the style and fit rule. I get it.

However, this rule should still be put into full effect. And possibly the more key component here to this rule that people ignore is the third-party opinion. This is important folks and I'm realizing that in my people-watching that many people seem to be lacking the opinion of someone besides themselves when choosing a swimsuit. Obviously. OR, or maybe they did have an outside opinion but this person has amazingly skewed judgment when it comes to swimsuit style and fit and therefore is of no help in choosing a swimsuit. Who wants to be the person everyone is looking at and thinking to themselves "somebody liiiied to her!" No one. And also, a side-note about the third party. The opinion of the third party needs to be relevant to the times. If you were given approval for a certain swimsuit in 1984, that approval does not still count for that same swimsuit in 2009. Are you picking up what I'm putting down here? That's right, it's time to get a new suit and opinion. The third party opinion should happen every year before swimsuit season and preferrably at the time of purchase.

Okay, enough said. I think we all get the point that fit is everything and the importance of the third-party opinion. It's key people, key.

2. Music

Whatever happened to the mix-tape? Man, I loved those things. I know, now days it's called an Ipod but apparently there are still some individuals on the scene that do not share my love for mix-tapes at the pool. While I was there it was all Justin Timberlake all the the time coming from this person's big yellow boom-box for all to hear. Now, I'm down with a little JT...but every Justin Timberlake hit ever? It's a bit much don't you think? Let's mix it up yo. And I think what was more funny to me about this particular situation is not so much the choice in music but the person/music choice combo. You know how you expect a certain kind of person to listen to a certain kind of music? Such is the case here. I don't know what I expected to hear from this person and their big yellow boom-box but a collection of JT hits was definitely not on my list of possibilities.

Lesson learned, mix-tapes are a good idea at the pool.

3. Splash magnet

Why is it that I can be as far away as possible from people in the pool and they decide that they need to get out or get in the pool 1 ft. from where I am and splash me while doing it? Good night! I mean there are miles of open water to swim in, jump in, splash in whatever, away from people. But no, apparently these people feel the need to do a cannon-ball right next to me regardless of the fact that I am obviously just in the water to cool off and I'm not there to get completely wet. Read the social cues people, c'mon. It never fails, every time I go to the pool, which isn't often this happens. There can be 3 people in this huge pool but where ever I am is where they choose to flounder around. Seriously, I don't get it. What I do get is that the pool is THE place for teachable moments in social awareness. You want to teach your kids about social awareness? I'm telling you, take them to the pool, it won't disappoint.

Lesson...easy on the splashing and for goodness sake do your cannon-balls and jack-knife away from others, it's just common sense.

4. Hawaiian Tropic Dark Tanning Oil

It's perfectly normal to see a girl sitting by the pool soaking up some rays or a group of girls, a mom and her small children, a dad with the kids...any of these combinations does not raise the crazy flag. However, a guy...alone...laying out with his bottle of Hawaiian Tropic Dark Tanning Oil? Gettin' the crazy vibe on this one. I don't know but that's just funny to me.


daughteroftheking said...

Very funny!

LYN said...

Amen, amen to all your rules, Amy. I have been developing my own "fashion police" rules at airports. Some people should definitely be told they're just too fat to wear that, or they need a bit more fabric, or don't you have a mirror? Or where's your mother? Often I just want to scream in their face, "You can't wear that on my airplane!! It's just not right."

...more power to the people. LYH

Kelly said...

Funny...people-watching is the best. I have to admit, though, I'd be thilled with all-Justin, all-the-time music. I might possibly have a slight JT crush. :)

Kendra said...

You REALLY make me laugh, Amy. I mean, seriously laugh!!

Leilanni said...

Ah, more evidence that you really need to write a book or something - I love to read your posts!!!

Calista said...

I'm with ya on all of those. You are too funny. I'm glad you got a chance to get out and be by yourself. I've been thinking about you today and hope you get some answers from the doctors today. Love ya.

Shelly said...

You seriously are the funniest person I know! I love reading your blog. Yea for a surgery date! (I'm doing some catching up on older posts). Praying for you guys and that the Lord continues to sustain you through each day/night. Love y'all--

Randi Freeby said...


Jen said...

You know, I think rash guards should be mandatory for all swimmers. Those plus the capris guys wear. (Oh come on, that's what they are.) Standard swimwear for the world.
After spending the afternoon at our pool watching 2 middle aged weirdos sitting in the pool and oogling at all the girls as they climbed out, Grace being one of the oogled, I told on them to the teen-aged life guards and any mother within speaking distance after hearing "look at that one!". Just gross.
Nevertheless, you have to admit the styles over the last few years have hardened us to seeing belly rolls. (Also gross.) Hey, when is someone going to nominate me for "What Not To Wear"? I'm waiting...

Anonymous said...

Love you Amy,

Ashley said...

Thought of you today. Anxious to hear.

Love you!

codyandash at gmail dot com

Chelsa said...

i laughed my whole way through this!! so true so true!

Jodi said...

Side ache from laughing. Seriously. :) The mental images you gave through that post were almost TOO clear!! :)

Summer said...

I always love hearing your commentary on ordinary things. The only thing that would have made this better is if I were at the pool with you while this was all taking place. Wish we could have seen you when we unexpectedly dropped by your house on Derran and Ann. But I am SO glad ya'll got to go to Coldplay! Praying for Ella's surgery coming up. Do you need anything? I would love to try to come out to Fort Worth one time before school starts. Hopefully we can make that happen. . . miss you!

Sweets said...

My laughter medicine for the day! LOL!!!!

Lea Ellen said...

Once again you had me almost on the floor laughing! I would have been there, no doubt, but the dog would've been injured in the process. I just love your wit & can totally hear you saying every word! And, much agreed with your new POOL rules (especaially the swim suit one)!

Much love--chest/fist pump!

Luv ya! Lea Ellen